I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
