i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
