first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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