the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
