What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
