it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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