Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
