i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
