Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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