Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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