Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
