we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
