Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
