I'm so fucking centered right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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