I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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