Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
