Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I could make wine with my vomit
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
