census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
