I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
