i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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