Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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