Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
