Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
