why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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