you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
