i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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