You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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