Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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