How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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