i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A+ Viking dick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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