i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
