OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
