The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
