honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
