Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
