i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my shit smells like andre
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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