I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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