I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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