forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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