Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
