Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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