It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He shit in the fireplace
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
