I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
