you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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