I need to stop coming to work sober
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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