Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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