sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
