i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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