SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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