seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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