if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
