found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I came so hard my ears popped.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
