I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
