Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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