So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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