he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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