I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
