i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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