Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
