I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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