Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
