it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
