i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm determined to sit on that face.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
