i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
