oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
