just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
