I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
