Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
