if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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