I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
