Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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