I accidentally had phone sex last night
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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