Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
