i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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