found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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