oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
