I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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