College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
