Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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