fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
