Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
