mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Boobs are out for the taking
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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