I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
do herpes really smell.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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