I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
