Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
