Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize