I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize