Swine flu. Run for my life!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
