I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
