I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
