Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
