im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
